I thought I was feeling better but it turns out I feel worse today.  When is this crud going to go away?
Now Michael is sick.  What next.

This is my third week on the c pap.  Not too bad.  But I keep waking up with it in the bed instead of on my face.  I think it is because when I sleep on my side, it makes noises and wakes me up.  I guess air is escaping somehow.  When I lay flat, I don't even know I have it on.  Go figure.  I am trying to adjust to it and I think I am doing well with it.

I have not felt like making any jewelry but I did get a call from a man who makes paper beads and he wants to show them to me.  I am hoping he will agree to show me how to make paper beads and not charge an arm and a  leg.    I am really excited to meet him tomorrow.  I used to know how to do it, but I can't now for some reason.  May be because I am sick.

I am thinking about starting my polymer clay club again in 2014 and see how far it gets.  It was a lot of fun the few times we met in 2013.  Every body just lost interest I guess.  I think it would be neat to meet with other people and learn from them.

My doxies are asleep as usual.  One wants to sleep on my head while in the recliner.  Ugh.

Matt wants to go shopping for some pants but I don't feel like it right now.  Hoping he will be understanding and agree to go later in the week.  He is a sweet fellow.  He is going back to Woodrow Wilson on Sunday.  So proud of him.

I am sitting in the Toyota place getting my car fixed.  I pray that I have not ruined my car.  I am 3000 miles past due for oil change.  First time I have ever did this with my new car.  I feel so foolish.  I should never let anyone use my car but me.  I always end up in trouble when I do.

I am sick with the crude.  I can't breathe and can't quit coughing.  Sugars are high.  I can't win for losing it seems like.  Mike had it first and gave it to me.  That was his Christmas present to me.  Isn't that what they call true love?  I wonder.

Still working on my cookbook.  Sure could use those frozen meals now that I am sick.  Mike even stated that it would be good to have some in the freezer.

The c-pap machine is working fine.  Except last night I had a stopped up nose.  Not sure how long I wore it.  I tend to take it off during my sleep.  I understand this is normal.

The doxies are doing fine.  They want to hug up to me when I am sick.  Not sure I want that though.

Making plans to get into the studio and work.  I am real excited about how the last pieces turned out in the kiln.  I need to make before and after pictures so you can see what happens.

I must say that my sugars are getting better.  I think I am learning to adjust my insulin better.  I hope it continues.  I would fix my plate at the family meals then look at it to determine how many carbs I had then I would add more insulin.  I can't get over how much better the sugar is today.  I feel better too.

One week today with the c-pap machine.  I think I am getting used to it better now.  Although I have been waking up at 4 am and taking it off and then going back to sleep.  I don't know why but I don't think I should do that.

I am working on a freezer cookbook.  Meals that can be frozen and reheated later.  Now all I need is to find the meats on sale and stock up.  I am so excited.

My doxies are asleep in the rocking chair.  They hate this rainy weather.  I had to force them out the door.

I did not write on my blog last night because I was so tired and depressed.  I went to a supper with the Hospice crew.  You would have thought that would have made me happy but It did not.  What is wrong with me.  I feel like there is a little Pat inside trying to get out but can't because of all the 'stuff' in the way.  I wish I knew the answers.

I did not sleep well last night with the c pap but I don't think it was the machine as much as all the stuff going through my head.  Both boys were not home,  I left my recipes at kroger and I hurt all over.  I just went to bed when I got home.

Now I have to muster up enough energy to bake a cake and do some cooking.  And I have to make myself feel like wanting to go to the parties and have some 'fun'.  This is going to be very hard to do.  I have two parties to go to and act like I am happy and want to be there.   I hate this part of depression.

My doxies are heat hogging today and enjoying themselves.

I just made a weight watchers cake using angel food cake and crushed pineapple.  It frothed up like it said it would do on the package.  Just waiting for it to cook.  Smells good.

Just got back from my sister's house to celebrate Christmas.  Had turkey, gravy, taters, deviled eggs, green beans, macaroni and cheese, ham, corn and tea.  Ate too much as usual.  But so did everyone else.  Now I have to cook for the other family dinner in 1& 1/2 hours.  Wonder what I can eat then?  Not much cause my blood sugar will go sky high.  I did walk 1/4 mile today.

Last night was my third night with c pap machine.  I did not sleep as well and woke up with a dry mouth.  I think I need to put more water in it to start with.  I admit I was trying to save on some distilled water.  I have to pour out right much in the morning.  I may need to change the humidity level also.  I will try both tonight.

I never got out of my pajamas all day but I did make some ear rings.  They turned out pretty good.  I made them out of paper clips and pearls.

I made a big pot of spaghetti sauce tonight which was very good.  The recipe:  2 lb. hamburger browned with 2 onions and 2 garlic bulbs.  Added 2 cans tomatoes and 1 can of tomato paste.  2 tsp following spices:  basil, bay leaves, oregano and 5 tsp parsley.  Salt and pepper to taste.  Simmered for 2 hours.  Love , love, love.  It hit the spot for what my taste bulbs was wanting.  I forgot to make a picture of my plate.  I guess I just dived into it.

My doxies are all over the place and looking good.  Andy wants to sleep on my head when I am sitting in the recliner.  Barney wants to be left alone.  Both are eating good and love to go outside.  You should see them whining and crying at the door when Mike goes outside.  Spoiled rotten.

I plan to go to the studio tomorrow and work with my friend Deborah.  I am excited about that.

Well last night was my second night using the c pap machine.  I did much better and slept much better.  I guess I need to get more used to it.  It did not bother me as much last night.

I delivered the necklace yesterday and Angela loved it.  She could not get over that it was made with a washer and she went and showed it to everybody around her.  She especially liked the adjustable leather strap.  She put it on and wore it the rest of the day.  She was so excited that she hugged me twice.  She is a  very nice lady and very talented and full of ideas.

I made a necklace and ear ring set last night that I am very proud of.  I took rice paper, colored it with alcohol ink, rolled it around some small tubing and glued it in place.  One man told me that the beads reminded him of rolled tobacco.  They are very pretty.  The ear rings match the colors.  I put rose silver beads between the paper beads then attached it to some silver plated necklace and put on a clasp.

Now I think I will set up an Etsy account so be on the look out for it.  I will keep you posted.  My only fear is selling something in the store and then it sales on Etsy.  I guess I will have to make 2 of everything so they will match.

My doxies are as rambunctious as ever.  They love their bacon strips and will practically knock you down to get it.  They are so funny.  It does my heart good to watch them at play.  Makes me want to get down there and play with them to.  But.  They always lick you to death right in the mouth.  I hate that.

Last night was my first night with the C pap machine.  It was not too bad.  It kept leaking some and I had to reposition it several times.  I guess I need to lay one way and not move around.  Machine says I used it 8.5 hours which is pretty good.  Still will need to practice and get used to it.

I am going to deliver a present to a new friend.  I can't wait to see what she thinks about the washer necklace I made for her.  I did not realize that it had to be 80 degrees for the stuff to set and dry.  It took me a lot longer than I realized it would to get it finished.  Soon as I figure out how to do pictures, I will put one on here for everyone to see.

I stamped the washer with alcohol inks, let that dry then poured resin over it to protect it.  That is the part that took so long to dry and set up.  It was fun anyway.  I will need to plan a day to go see her and we look through all the washers and get some more ideas from them for jewelry.  It is amazing to me what you can find at a hardware store.  I need to visit more often and keep my eyes open and my imagination running.  Fun fun fun.

My doxies are flying from one door to the other trying to get out so they can chase the neighbor's cat.  What a ruckus they put up when they do that.  One dog even got under the house and "treed" the cat under the house.  It took hours for him to come out.  We figured when he smelled the food cooking, he would come on out.  He did.  Poor cat does not know what to think.  He just minds his own business and these 2 long hot dogs start running after him.  It is a  funny sight though.

I will post how she like the necklace tomorrow.  I am still learning about blogging so bear with me.

I spent the day at the Studio with my new friend Deborah.  We worked on the placement of the furniture and moved some things around.  She set up all my jewelry in a display that is pleasing to the eye.  I am finally getting organized which is what I desperately needed.  I have so much stuff which will need to be gone through and decided what to keep and what to pack up.  Gosh, I have so much stuff.  I like to touch them and move them around.

I am tired but it is a good kind of tired.  I still feel like I am in a vat of molasses and can hardly move my limbs up and down.  This is what depression feels like.  I wish I could stop being depressed and have lots of energy and feel good.

My puppy dogs are sitting beside me as I write side by side like a sandwich.  This is what they do all the time.  So funny to watch them together.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Today I met an interesting fellow named Rick.  No matter where I go or who I am with, the Hospice nurse always comes out in me.  It was not long before we were talking about his deceased father of 3 months.  I ended up reassuring him that the greatest gift he could give his father was to let him die at home with family around him.  He teared up and I told him that a year from now, he will be glad he had done what he did.  He seemed relieved to talk to someone about it even though I went there with Mike to look at some tools he had for sale.

Depression is so hard to deal with but somehow talking with someone else who is suffering always makes me feel better.  I still hurt.  I still wonder why I am here on this earth.  I am still tired.  And I am still sick.

I have not felt like working on any jewelry so far today.  I don't know what is wrong with me.  I want to but I am just too tired.

Took one of my dogs to see a  lady who is making them a warm jacket.  She could not get over how long and skinny he is.  She makes some really pretty stuff and I am honored to have her make my babies a coat.  Now they will not be too cold when outside.  Maybe they will not shake so much.

For supper I am making a pot of vegetable soup.  Boy does it smell good.

Well, I have cleaned all I can without help from a strong back and cooked three meals today.  Now I am tired and bored.  What should I do next.  I have plenty to do but nothing I want to do.  This is serious.  Depression is so bad.  Wish I knew a cure that was instant.

I did have a great thanksgiving.  I made spaghetti and everybody loved it.  I was proud of myself because I could not find my recipe so I did it from memory.  Only needed salt and pepper.  Yea.  I made everyone happy for a few hours.

Andy and Barney, my doxies, are asleep on dad's lap.  They always end up on him when he sits down. He claims he does not like it, but you can tell he does.

We were talking early this morning and I told him that when I start using the C-Pap machine to use at night to keep me from not breathing when I sleep, and get my depression meds right, he is going to wake up one morning and say,  "I married a young woman. "  Because I was going to be working circles around him.   He said without skipping a beat,  "Damn if I knew that was gonna happen I would have got that machine for you a long time ago."  He thinks he is so smart.

I am still working on my mother's book.  I may never finish it because I always see something to change when I open it up.  It has been fun though.  I enjoy going to the library and doing research.  Sure I could do it at home on the computer, but that does not get me out of the house and around people.

I have made 10 beautiful bracelets for future craft shows.  I am now learning how to make a duct tape rose.  I think they will sell well also.